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I Am Awesome and I Forgot It

Stress headaches have become an undeniable part of my everyday life, I sleep terribly, I’ve started biting my nails again, and I’m too afraid to cry because I think avoiding my problems will make them go away. I keep telling myself that everyone is entitled to their emotions, and that I shouldn’t be ashamed that I’m having a hard time dealing with this point in my life, because a lot has happened. I want to remind myself to be happy, but my constant state of stress continually drives my focus elsewhere.

I get so nervous that my five year plan isn’t going to pan out how I want it to, or that my fine at the library for not returning those books is going to become insurmountable. I want to help people but I want to help myself, and I want to stay true to my own values but I want to learn more about so many new and interesting things. I want to travel but Lord only knows I don’t have that kind of money. Why don’t things work out like I want them to?

This has literally been my mindset, my life since I’ve gotten back to school. I just have so many crazy high expectations for myself that I am struggling to stay on top of them. I get so caught up in myself and feeling sucky because things aren’t working my way that I forget to realize that I have the power to change them. I am done feeling sorry for myself and I am done feeling inferior to other people. I’m gonna go grey if I keep up with this attitude. I am going to make myself happier and I am adopting this new mindset to do it:

I am great. I am in control of my life and no one can make me feel shitty about it. I am going to kick today’s ass, and if it doesn’t work out how I want it to, there’s always tomorrow.

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People who partake in the healthy lifestyle really grind my gears. It isn’t because they’re fit and healthy and loving their bodies- for that, I say good for them. I admire those who take to the healthy lifestyle, and I really wish I could easily embrace that. I like the idea of healthy living, but at the same time, I think there are people who take it to extremes, and that in itself is not healthy. The pressure society puts on physical appearance is disgusting, and a lot of times with a tiny frame comes a narrow point of view. Don’t get me wrong, keeping your body healthy and working well is incredibly important. You’ve got to keep the machine well oiled, if you get my drift. But it seems that more and more as we put a larger emphasis on outer beauty, our view of inner beauty becomes so much smaller. Keeping your body in shape is definitely important to live a long and healthy life, but when it comes down to it, you only live once and that cheesecake isn’t going to eat itself.

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I’ll Eat My Dessert First, Thank You Very Much

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Compare With Care

I feel like too often we compare ourselves to things we see on the internet. Whether it’s people, creative Pinterest crafts, or events that we see, it seems like we look upon these things with an immediate sense of inferiority. I can call myself a victim to this- I often look through Pinterest and think to myself, “Wow, there is no way in Hell I’ll ever be that crafty.” It isn’t just mason jar art that I compare myself to negatively- I do just the same with people I see on Facebook, Twitter, all the social media of the like. And what’s worse is that I don’t recognize that I’m putting myself down, I’m simply seeing it as a statement of fact. It’s this kind of thought process that is so discouraging; why is it that I feel the need to compare myself to these people that I don’t know and these things I don’t have?

I’m not saying I’m not confident, and I’m not saying other people who compare themselves to others on the internet are not confident either. It’s just an interesting situation to see that even within small things, it is common to compare yourself to that thing. Comparisons are not necessarily a bad thing-  it’s good to self-evaluate and if you see a trait in someone that could improve your personal sense of self, then I think you should go for it. I have three words to leave you with: compare with care.

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Why Should My Weight Effect My Personal Body Image?

I feel like too often we base our view of beauty on how in shape a person is, and I just don’t like that. Weight should not influence how beautiful a person it. I hate to say, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”, but the no matter how corny it is, the sentient always rings true. Tabloids are tragic to read because of how much they distort people’s views on different topics. Why do I care so much that this celebrity has cellulite? Does it really affect me to know that that celebrity lost weight? I don’t understand and I don’t like how much those awful things warp people.

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Interview With A Movie Maker and Dancer

For my class, we had to create an audio package that related to our blog topic. At my university, we are very well known for our dance and cinema programs. I interviewed two women within those two programs and asked their thoughts on what it’s like going into an industry where there is contestant problems facing gender, whether it is securing a job or making sure their appearance fits a certain model.

 

 

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A Daily Struggle

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