Stress headaches have become an undeniable part of my everyday life, I sleep terribly, I’ve started biting my nails again, and I’m too afraid to cry because I think avoiding my problems will make them go away. I keep telling myself that everyone is entitled to their emotions, and that I shouldn’t be ashamed that I’m having a hard time dealing with this point in my life, because a lot has happened. I want to remind myself to be happy, but my constant state of stress continually drives my focus elsewhere.
I get so nervous that my five year plan isn’t going to pan out how I want it to, or that my fine at the library for not returning those books is going to become insurmountable. I want to help people but I want to help myself, and I want to stay true to my own values but I want to learn more about so many new and interesting things. I want to travel but Lord only knows I don’t have that kind of money. Why don’t things work out like I want them to?
This has literally been my mindset, my life since I’ve gotten back to school. I just have so many crazy high expectations for myself that I am struggling to stay on top of them. I get so caught up in myself and feeling sucky because things aren’t working my way that I forget to realize that I have the power to change them. I am done feeling sorry for myself and I am done feeling inferior to other people. I’m gonna go grey if I keep up with this attitude. I am going to make myself happier and I am adopting this new mindset to do it:
I am great. I am in control of my life and no one can make me feel shitty about it. I am going to kick today’s ass, and if it doesn’t work out how I want it to, there’s always tomorrow.